Believe it or not being a virgin isn’t something I think or talk about on the daily. It’s not a scarlet letter I bare for all to see. On the list of things that define me it’s not even in the top 3. With that being said, in our society sex is more than just an act. It’s a product we consume in mass quantities. Sadly, it’s probably the most talked about topic among us, so I’m chiming in, as the minority, and putting in my two cents because there is an awful lot of misconceptions floating around out there.
I want to start by getting right in there and attacking the stereotypes that immediately pop into a person’s head when they hear “virgin”. I want to shoot them down dead with a giant bazooka. No shade, we all make initial snap judgments without even realizing it. We call them “first impressions” and they are the reason for cliches like “judging a book by its cover”. Let me tell you, many a good story has been missed out on because of it. So, let’s try and have an open mind here and remove any preconceived notions we might have of someone whose turning 28 and still a virgin.
Let’s talk about the thirty-something year old down-and-out loser we typically see on the silver screen. She’s usually deemed pathetic and makes it pretty obvious that she is achingly aware of it. In the beginning their usually at some dead end job they hate because never having sex equals never having taken any risks in life. Their invisible to everyone around them because their frumpy and sloppy with no clue on what to do with that hidden beauty dying to burst out in a cleavage baring top. In some cases, they aren’t considered to be classically good-looking, whatever that means; and can tend to be a bit voluptuous, because we all know skinny woman are the only one’s who get laid. Most importantly, being a virgin is considered a curse to them and one they would gladly relinquish if only Mr. Right would give them the time of day. Case in point: My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Never Been Kissed, etc. Where did this idea come from? Frankly, it needs to crawl back into whatever pit it came out of because it’s insulting. Of course if you’re beautiful you can’t be intelligent and have standards as well. Unheard of. So, the only explanation that we can come up with for someone not flinging their maidenhood around the moment they come of age is because they are disgusting slobs with nothing going for them in life. How openminded of us!
Well, here is one story that defies convention. It just so happens to be my story. I’m not homeschooled, I was public schooled my whole life, so I’m not sheltered or naive. I don’t come from a small town. I was raised in one of the biggest cities in this country, Miami, Florida. How’s that for bursting the big city equals fast life bubble? I wasn’t raised in an uber religious household. We would go to church occasionally, but prayer, fasting and reading the bible on a daily basis was not a family practice. I’m confident, socially apt, fit and good-looking. The point I am trying to make here is that nothing is as black and white as we try and make it. Not everything or everyone fits snuggly in the boxes we have in our minds. In fact, l challenge you reader, to cry out “anarachy” like you’re in Braveheart and smash the boxes. Smash every single one. We only like them because it makes complicated things seem understandable and simple, because it makes things comfortable for us. Frankly, I’m tired of trying to fit in the box that people try and put me in marked “virgin”. My arms and legs are hanging all out and I’m suffocating.
Isn’t it possible that a person can, of their own volition, decide to keep themselves for as long as they see fit? That their reasoning is actually sound? My choice really has served me well thus far; and believe or not I actually don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. Once the mystery and glamour of it all passed in my late teens and early twenties, I felt affirmed that I had made the right choice for myself. It didn’t hurt that I had countless sexually active people telling me they thought what I was doing was admirable; or heard the numerous stories of bitter regret spewing like poison from person after person. Even still, those things weren’t even factors in my decision. My choice was my own and one I made with all the facts. One that made sense to me. Don’t get me wrong, as I said in my last article, it’s something I look forward to and plan on being really good at it. Sex is not a shameful thing to me, something that can only be discussed behind closed doors or in hushed whispers. On the contrary, I think it’s beautiful and in context, very natural. For now though, it’s one less piece of baggage that I have to carry around. One less complication that I have to deal with on a daily basis. One less possible regret I have to harbor.
Understand, this is one perspective, one opinion; and yes, I have heard all the arguments. Sex is fun, it feels good, it’s not that big of a deal, etc… There isn’t a question that someone hasn’t asked me or I haven’t asked myself. I still stand firm; and if I die a virgin that’s actually fine with me. I’m sure on my deathbed I will have bigger regrets to grapple with than never having had sex. This is my philosophy, sex is like bungee jumping: It’s thrilling, there is an aspect of danger and excitement, it’s over in sixty seconds and something I can happily live my life without ever having done. So, I will hold on to my “V” card thank you. My goal here isn’t to glamorize virginhood, it’s simply to shed light on a small, but important people group that need to be acknowledged, not as abnormal or out of touch, but as intelligent and modest people that don’t allow their sexual status to be THE defining factor in their lives. Just some food for thought, Bon Appetit My Little Darlings.